4 years ago, right after Mike died, I was quite a mess. My friends Jessi (mike's cousin), Owen and his brother Joey decided to kidnap me for the day. We started out at my apartment. and eventually got bored so we made our way to ft worth. We went to the best buy and played guitar hero for a good 3 hours before getting kicked out. I need to add, this was a point in time when my decisions were based solely on what would take the pain away. And at the time, i thought drugs were the answer. So, what slightly drunk and thoroughly stoned teenager wouldn't want to get high on a mountain? Off to Austin we went. It was dark by the time we got there, and hiked up to the part that looks over the river. We spent a few hours talking and laughing and getting much more obliviated than really necessary. And somehow we end up talking about the ocean...and how i had never seen it. Owen and Joy, being from California found this unacceptable. It was back in the car and straight to padre we went. Well... we did not think to consider that we had no money, no clothes, and no food. But we had beer and weed, and full tank of gas. What more could we need? Maybe at least one of us should have had a drivers license... Nearing Corpus we took the wrong exit. This particular exit leads straight in to a military base.... clearly you've discovered that we were not the brightest of people, so we shove the alcohol under the seats, stuffed the weed in random places, and pull up to the base and ask if they would let us turn around. The answer to that is "not with out some identification." Joey, who was driving, decides this would be the time to let us know that he had quite a few warrants. I was convinced we were going to jail. The guards had us get out of the car. They kept asking us where we were headed. I was not really sure why they needed all of this when all we wanted to do was turn around. Who knew taking the wrong exit could be so annoying. I also made this very known. Looking back, i think the MP's were just bored. Because they let us go. They couldn't have ran our names, otherwise they wouldn't have. So back in the car we go. and a few hours later, we finally arrive at my friend Scott's house in padre. We sleep, and then spend the next morning on the beach. Noticing our gas tank is rather low, Scott asks us how we plan on getting home. We don't have an answer. He gives us enough gas money to get us home, and a little extra just in case. Because according to him, he'd been on a few poorly planned trips himself and was lucky to run in to some nice people those times. lol. Close to dark, we realize we should probably be leaving and on the road we go. By this point, it's raining. and we are starving. We stop at a gas station and put gas in the car. On the way out of the store, joey is lingering by the shelf full of donuts. Before any of us can think, he snatches a bag and runs. Shocked, we follow. As we pull out of the gas station, joey yells "DONUT RUUUUUNNN!!!!!!"
Another wrong turn later, we find ourselves stuck...in the mud. Rather than try to flag down help, joey decides to gun the engine. Eventually this plan works. But not before sucking down the tank of gas. We are completely screwed at this point. I'm not really sure how we did it. That part of my memory is a blur. But somehow the next thing i know, we are pulling in to the parking lot of my job, 10 minutes before i need to be there.
This trip was a major factor in my letting go of the pain and getting on with my life. Owen, Joey and Jessi may never really know that. Even through all of the disasters, i realized i was not alone.
Yesterday morning, Joey was found in his truck. He was not breathing, and he hadn't been for a few hours. He's gone. An entire lifetime of friendship just feels wasted. I'm getting married on Saturday and then i'll be on the real ocean for a week, so i cant go to the funeral. And i'm not really sure how to react. My heart is so broken that i cant even cry. Joey was far from perfect. He did a lot of terrible things, and hurt a lot of people. When someone dies, we seem to forget all of the things they did. I won't make that mistake. However, none of those things matter anymore. All that matters is that he is gone. And we miss him so much. I don't care what he did to other people. I just know that he was a good friend to me, and i cant believe i'll never see his face again.
About 2 years ago, i started trying to distance myself from Joey and Owen. They couldn't seem to stay clean and i was so afraid of losing them the way i lost Mike. I couldn't bear it. And now that it has happened.... It still hurts the same. And i feel worse because i pushed him away, thinking he would get better one day and we could be close again.
Everyone keeps telling me he's in a better place. people don't seem to realize that that is not comforting. I don't believe in a better place. this is all we have. And joey's chance to make up for the things he did is gone! i am inconsolable. and i would really just prefer everyone stop trying. Just let me feel. i should not have to feel like i cant express this pain simply because my wedding is in five days.... But that's how i feel. and i don't know how to change that....
RIP Joseph Cory Crockett. I know that you are gone. I know that you wont ever read this. but i miss you so incredibly much.