You can call me a conspiracy theorist if you want, but there are wide open possibilities that Kurt Cobain did NOT commit suicide, but was murdered! Today is April 5, marking 20 years since his death, and new evidence has come to light that has stirred up a shit storm on the internet.  (http://music.msn.com/music/article.aspx?news=859582)

New evidence has surfaced regarding the death of Nirvana’s front man Kurt Cobain in the form of crime scene photos. Now I hate the fact that all of them are not here, not that I want to get off on gore or grisly images, but I feel that people that haven’t given up on Kurt’s case yet deserve 100% of the picture of his death. I feel that not the entire crime scene set of photos is present on this website, and some of the ones that are here are cropped to show only part of the image. Here is a link to the site.
http://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/new-kurt-cobain-death-scene-photos/
Also shown is the “suicide” note left by Cobain with a pen shoved through the middle of it. On a separate website, (http://kurtcobainssuicidenote.com/kurt_cobains_suicide_note_scan.html) 

there is a scanned picture of the note so it can be seen better. At first I found it odd that there was no hole in the middle of the scanned image, It’s possible that they could have taken steps to mend the paper for the purposes of scanning it, but also wasn’t able to avoid the dark wrinkle lines across the letter. The next thing to be noticed it the part of the letter that points to it being a suicide note, the bigger font at the bottom of the paper. Tom Grant, a private investigator hired by Courtney Love (Cobain’s widowed wife) theorizes that the last few lines were written by someone other than Cobain. Sending just the photocopied letter to 4 handwriting experts, only 1 out of 4 of them was certain that the whole letter was written by Cobain, the other 3 found inconclusive evidence to the possibility it was just one writer. (http://kurtcobainssuicidenote.com/kurt_cobains_death_theories.html) 

Back the recently released evidence conspiracy theorist, Richard Lee, is suing the Seattle Police department saying “the shots should have been released years ago to aid the investigation into the tragic Nirvana star's death 20 years ago.” Which I unreservedly agree with him that if there was evidence withheld or excluded from the investigation, the investigation shouldn’t be done with, thousands of Nirvana fans, including myself, would like to see a re-launch of the investigation with detectives that are biased to the opinion that he was just “a suicidal heroin addict” reanalyzing all of the evidence pertaining to the death of Kurt Cobain. (http://music.msn.com/music/article.aspx?news=860856)

Now I could write all day on theory’s on Cobain’s death and the “convenience” of some of the investigative studies that shy away from the possibility that Cobain was murdered. Like the 4 sets of prints taken off of the shotgun, but wasn’t legible to the current systems. Or that Cobain’s lawyer mentions him wanting to cut Courtney Love out of his will because she (Love) had mentioned she wanted to file for a divorce. And finally the fact that Kurt Cobain, who had recently checked out of rehab, had apparently relapsed and was high during the time of his death. There was evidence of heroin and valium in his system and his blood/heroin level was 1.52 milligrams per liter. Tom Grant feels that he could not have injected himself with that much heroin and still be able to pull the trigger.

Report is still set that Cobain killed himself with a shotgun blast to the head. There are mountains of evidence that may be inconclusive, but I feel that it is enough to consider the possibility of homicide. Please research the subject yourself. You will find pretty quickly that this is a story that deserves a true ending than a rushed conclusion that “he must have just shot himself.”

“Nobody dies a virgin, ‘cause in the end,

life fucks us all” –Kurt Cobain.  

Someone upstairs seems to think that new tricks need to be learned… I just don’t know if I can handle it. I have been facing things I never knew I was
ill prepared for, things that attack me from the inside out. It’s a vicious cycle that feeds itself, and it scares me. 

DEPRESSION brought on this unfitting title that has been bestowed upon me as “Sex Offender”, the feeling that I can’t be with my family in state owned places, i.e. Parks, lakes, etc.. My stepbrother was visiting from Korea and brought his little baby girl over to the states for the first time, and they had a birthday party in the park for her. Everyone was invited, not everyone was legally allowed to attend. I stayed home. My little brother came home and told me the story of the fun they had in the park with water balloons and things. He ended the story with, “You should have been there.” I don’t hold that against him, my little brother you see, views the world from a different set of eyes. He is autistic (as much as I like to argue the fact) and cannot / will not understand my situation, so I
can’t put what he said against him. It didn’t stop it from hurting though.

ANXIETY from running into people in public I don’t wish to run into or want to know about my situation. It is incredibly to apply for jobs and explain to them that I am a registered sexual predator and not to think too much into it because it’s not true. People who know me know I’m innocent, but people who I just meet… all they are going to see is that title. Word will get around, as it always does, and people thinking they can make the world a better place by putting forth some vigilantly justice by doing whatever they can to put my “Pedo/ChoMo ass in prison where it belongs”. This has never been said directly to me, but being in jail in a cell with other offenders, and by being in a
sexual offender therapy group, I hear people going through it all the time. I want to avoid it at all costs. Right now that means never leaving my room. I
just recently found out that I can’t hear a verdict being read without going into an anxiety lockdown. Zimmerman just recently got found not guilty on his
case, and I had been following his proceedings for a while, and wanted to see the end of it. So, I got online and looked up the video that talked about it,
and in that video his verdict is read. Even though it was not guilty, hearing a member of court read that out send my mind racing. It got incredibly difficult
to control my breathing, and started crying my eyes out, out of fear. I was scared. I couldn’t figure out why, or from what, but crying into a towel as hard
as I could seemed to be the only thing that I wanted to do. I didn’t know for sure what triggered it, until a few days later when my Mom was watching “Malcolm X” and they read off his verdict to him at the end of the movie. I got up and headed for my room upstairs to compose myself. I didn’t break down like before,
but it was a similar feeling. I’m not sure of anything beyond that, but for now I want / need to avoid court proceedings in the media and in movies. 

PARANOIA, every time I’m out in public, I feel like everyone hates me. I’m smart enough to know that isn’t true, but the brain is a funny and complex
organ. Logic is melting around me as if I’m in a surrealistic painting. I take feelings as fact without weighing logic or reason. I feel like if I start
filling out applications, people will start making their own assumptions about me and shape me into a person I’m not. I am an incredibly romantic and flirty
person, and with all of this going on, it discourages me from any of that. Not just legally, but mentally as well. If I have sex with a woman, out of love or
lust, I have to turn her name into the sheriff’s office. So, out of respect for, whoever, I refrain from it. God knows I could use a companion to help me cope
with all of this. I have a few friends that are there for me, and I am thankful for that, but I don’t want to selfishly monopolize their time for my issues. I
thank God for my friend Tori, she has been with me in this from square one. I wrote and called her in jail and it helped me out more than I feel she will ever
know. She is the closest thing I have to a “companion” in the sense of having someone to unload everything to. She usually gives me good advice and it helps,
but there are things that have happened to me that are hard to describe. I have feelings that sit in my chest to go unrecognized, because they are foreign to
me. I get them every time I’m in public. It feels as if the world is watching and misjudging everything I do. This last court visit, the judge has ordered me
to start looking for a job and handed me a green sheet to fill out to return to him in the next month. I am now being forced to act, to find a job even though
all of this. I have attempted to explain to the judge my issues, but I suppose the states hunger for money is greater than his “give a fuck” for my issues. 

So, I get thrown into a Depression, which results in me sleeping for 12 hours a day, and then it gets to a point to where I need to go somewhere to shop
or eat. Public interaction puts me off, and I start to think that everyone is gunning for me; I get scared that I’m going to run into Bill and / or Mindy in
public. So Paranoia feeds my Anxiety, and it leads me to staying inside for another 4 or 5 days straight, where I sit in depression because my life isn’t
the way it should be.

As for my “Through Loss, Gain, and Questions Unanswered” story, I WILL finish it. It just seems every time I get into the story, that same feeling
comes up that came up with the verdict reading, and I have to stop for a while. So I promise it will be finished, I want my story told.



My sister needs help cleaning downstairs, so I will end this here. Until next time. 
  

Hello blogging friends,
life it seems has been getting the best of me, sorry for not posting anything as of late. I may post a venting blog a little later, but as for my "Through Loss, Gain, and Questions Unanswered" story, it has proved to be more difficult to retell than I thought. Anxiety is new territory for me, so it comes to no surprise that I may stumble upon a hole or two. I will tell you more later in my vent blog, but just know I will finish my story, just not as soon as I expected. I will return after awhile with explanations.

That's right, I may have not yet won the war, but I have sure won a battle. My blogging buddies, I have been absent for some time for the reasons asinine beyond all measure. It was in question, due to my recently given "title", that It may not be legal for me to have internet access, let alone blog to all you wonderful (2) people. Court Friday has decided to rule in the favor of mercy, I have the right to access the internet AND continue my blogs. I am currently in a battle to the death for my use of YouTube, hopes and prayer are still out on that one... and if you have been following my "Through Loss, Gain, and Questions Unanswered" story, you know I still continue to fight for my image and freedom. But lets not dwell in the pits of sadness, REJOICE! For this small but important battle hath been won! 

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the
rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not
be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you."
Isaiah 43:2
                           "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4 

My heart and prayers go out to the families in West, Texas. My blogging cohort mentioned the lack of help the government decided to lend, but as pathetic and sad that may be, in it brought a unity of Texans in a time of turmoil. I have never lived in a place where help for the smallest troubles was literally a knock away. Every Mature southern belle is willing to take up the roll of "second mom", every Stetson wearing man's wisdom is handed out with love and care. When something this tragic happens, Texas proves, yet again, "We don't need no stinkin' FEMA". 

If there is any Texans in the aria of West reading this, I implore you to join the relief, even if in just a small way. Buy some water, send some blankets, hell, fill up your truck with gas and move some shit out of the way. Time is the cheapest and most valuable thing you could donate. 

Thoughts, prayers, and blessings to the 200+ injured, the 14 families who lost loved ones, including the 12 volunteer firefighters that lost their lives helping with rescue. That to me is an ultimate sacrifice, these men weren't paid to do this, they had no gain but had everything to lose, and by going in to help the victims of West, they gave it all. Well done guys.

This isn't over, especially for the 200+ hurt or grieving, but with prayer, time, and the help of everybody, we can move forward. Answer questions, lay loved ones to rest, and rebuild homes.

Thank you all who is helping, thank you all for prayers.
God Bless West.

    Roger Ebert, one of the many people I took advice from, a great man in film critic history, and one of the most humble of the celebrities died yesterday at 70 years old. The cause from what I can tell is from the cancer he has been fighting for a while. The cancer had already claimed his voice box, but it couldn’t come close to claiming his voice. Through the power of the internet and social media, he continued to do what many people strive to do today, which is speaking their mind. I remember as a child watching the show, “Siskle and Ebert” and becoming intrigued in the arguments, debates, and different views of these two men. Thumbs up, thumbs down, sometimes both, the show added on to an already fast building curiosity I had about movies. I always wanted to know how movies were made, the meaning behind the stories, the politics of it, and of course how it was seen in the
  public eye. Ebert was the people critic. Not a faceless newspaper article, or a
  voice in the air of advertising, he was a fan. He was with you, right there in
  the theatre seat watching the movie with you. After it was finished, he spoke
  his mind, compelled you to speak yours, and then strengthened his foot hold in
  his opinion, and defended it, then implored you to defend yours. Opinion is
  what makes art unique, different, and is what brings the raw material out of
  the shadows of the minds of young people, like myself, and creates a brand new
  world of art that may have never existed hadn’t not been for your personal
  opinion, and what you feel the way art should be.


I rummaged thru the stings of the World Wide Web and couldn’t find the quote that I had read in an MSN article by Ebert. Forgive my paraphrasing, but he spoke of movies as the new art form of the times. And many people look at movies as mere entertainment tools. They may be that, but to some, like myself, it is a way of life. It is a painting in motion, it is a look into the mind of a writer, and it is the look
into the soul of a person with a story to tell. Film is truly the modern day of
art, and Ebert treated it that way. If he had seen a film that metaphorically
looked like the roof of the Sistine Chapel, he praised it, and spread the word
to others so that they may gaze at its cinematic wonderment. If he saw a film
that was a quick, rushed, cheap piece of refrigerator art, he called it out for
what it was, and defended himself for it. What I believe made Ebert so unique
was that he didn’t just look at the Sistine’s or Fridge arts of the top film
  competitors, he often looked to the bottom of the pile of cinematographers, and
  saw their potential for what it was. Often helping them crawl their way to the
  top of the pile where they may have had no chance of doing so.



A man truly after my own
heart, Robert Ebert lived, breathed, and ate criticism. Every film trailer we
see and deem “thumbs up, or down”, every game we play and judge cool or not,
every sports team, writer, singer, or person of leadership, we will forever
critique what they do. So in a sense, we all have a little bit of Roger Ebert in
us.


Rest in peace Mr. Ebert,
thank you for your words of wisdom, your unique way of seeing the world, and
most importantly, your opinion.


“See you at the movies…” 
       

Well, I have been on many websites that involve an avatar and a chat room...
IMVU, Gaia... but this one is on the creepy level for me when it comes to MMO
chat. Second Life is an MMO, where you can create an avatar, cool, you can hunt
monsters, great, you can chat with people all over the world, awesome, but you
can also get Paid to be some ones 5 year old child?? Taking role playing to a
whole other level, i created an account on the wishes of a cousin of mine. and
while i was going thru the difficult process of creating my avatar, im told i
must look good if i want to be hired... yes you can hold a job on this site. As
i sit there on the virtual couch, i watch as this "little girl" being controlled
by an adult (and i know this because Second Life is age restricted) biting other
avatars, acting childish, and being scolded for doing wrong.... where the hell
is the "creepy" line set for in this crap. As i looked into it you can role play
anything from buying a hooker and having sex with her, to doing time in a
prison, and something i just recently found out... your avitar and get pregnate, carry the child full term, as in a full nine months, and if you dont care for yourself right you can have complications in pregnacy... WTF is that... This game, correctly titled, IS a second life for most of these die
hard players. I am also informed it is improper edict to talk about your "FL"
(First Life, a.k.a. your living breathing, reality life) in second life, that
its better to keep it separate... can anyone else smell a psychotic break or
meltdown in the making?? i enjoy the humor and i enjoy the conversation... but
please beat me in the head with a pipe if i ever THINK about treating this
"Second Life" as a real situation. This is just outrageous. God help those
stuck, and sucked into this virtual world...

Greetings to all, and welcome to Sasquatch's Word Vomit.

This page will contain thoughts i have, possably in understandable order, more than likely spewed out in random trains of thoughts, I'll spin my mental wheel and see where it stops.
The topic on my mind today is this Gun battle that seems to be causing such an uproar in media. Weather it should be leagal, illeagal, banned, more strict. After the shooting at the movie theatre in Colorado, and my heart and prayers go out to the family who lost loved ones, but the shooting seems to be used as a lighting rod for politicians to either send out the message, "Hey, guns are bad (mmmkay) and we should ban them" or "If more people carried fire arms, they would have been able to fight back in the Colorado shooting"... all this said in a heartless mannor in my opinion. Not even a day to let the shock subside, people posting about gun laws, politicians preaching for changes in gun distribution. In a not as publicized, but related, opposing view of the "gun control" argument, about a week or two ago, Andrew Lee Scott was just snoozing in his appartment, when the cops show up early in the morning, looking for a suspect in a homicide. SWAT-ed up and everything started banging on his door. This startles him, as it would anyone, and he grabs his gun. The police at this point HAS NOT announced themselves, later said announcing themselves was avoided for safty reasons. He makes his way into the view of the door, being cautious, when the police breaks the door down, sees a man in the dark with a gun, and shoots him to death. Later to be found out... they had the damn address wrong. 
It seems to me, civilian or goverment alike, needs to have a big ass reset button pushed. I dont think guns should be banned, but I think people who carry guns need a new course in Fire arm safty. So this incident in Aurora really shouldn't be the "ground shaking" incident that dramaticly changes the gun laws, when police officers are making the same mistakes. I know there is no way to completely control all guns, the goverment should know that. Both sides of the argument is strong enough to hold their own, so there is no reason for all this bullshit taking over the media about gun control. Damnit people.